An INTIMATE Conversation: Jenn Edwards of Moxie Ladies

The 5th Wheel was fortunate to score the first "exclusive" interview with a member of the new 2009 SAI Queens of Harmony, Moxie Ladies. Through the magical use of cellphone technology, The 5th Wheel chatted with the Lead of Moxie Ladies, Jenn Edwards.

_________________________________

The5thWheel: Hello Jenn, thank you for taking time to speak with us today. I'm sure Hawaii in no way compares to the romantic state of Ohio?

Edwards: I'm sorry, this is Anna. I'm the new personal assistant to Ms. Edwards. I'm just, oh... excuse me, one second. (In the background: "Ms. Edwards? It's time for your interview. [pause] Who? No, it's not Vanity Fair, it's The 5th Wheel. [pause] What Ma'am? Yes, I know it's a crappy blog, but since you agreed to this interview before you won, the right thing to do is keep your promise and do the interview. [pause] Yes, I'll bring the phone to you in your bedroom, then I'll leave to pickup your dry cleaning and Starbucks.") Mr. 5th Wheel? Here's Ms. Edwards.

The5thWheel: Hi Jenn... uh... I mean Ms Edwards. Congratulations on your big win last week in Hawaii. It must be an incredible time for you right now?

Edwards: That's Ms. JENNIFER Edwards.

The5thWheel: Oops, I'm sorry ma'am. Ms. Jennifer Edwards, what was it like being onstage before they announced your name?
Edwards: It was a little different than years past (You mean when you didn't win?) as I didn't have as much time to work myself into a frenzy. I received the MENC award and went straight to the quartet lineup. (Oh, I know what you mean. Life is so difficult when you must receive multiple awards on one night. cough! DIVA!) Once I was on the risers, I was intensely aware that I didn't get a restroom break. ("Uh-oh!" -Carl Lewis) Thank goodness for Depends.

The5thWheel: Were you confident after your finals set that you would win?

Edwards: Not at all. We were competing with some fantastic quartets. (Wow, you are so politically correct. For once, I'd like to see someone step up and say with confidence, "HAHA! WE WON! Can't touch this! Wanna hold my gold medal?- I DON'T THINK SO! PYSCH!") I didn't know where the chips (Ponch or Jon?) would fall. (After the 80's.) Speaking of chips...I could really go for some cheddar Baked Lays. (Awwww yeeeeaaaahhh...)

The5thWheel: Well, please wait until our interview is over before you call Anna for those chips. How did it feel when they put the crown on your head?

Edwards: Well, after the blood letting when they dug bobbie pins into my scalp, it was the best ever! (In case you didn't know, SAI stands for "Spanish American Inquisition.") Actually, I didn't feel the pain, just the amazement and awe that we had actually done it! My quartet sisters (Moxie Ladies or the Rainbow Room?) and I had met our goal the way we had met all of our previous ones! (I know, through bribes and deceit. How do you think Vocal Spectrum beat MaxQ in 2006?)

The5thWheel: What was the rest of the evening like? Where did you go? What were your responsibilities?

Edwards: From the stage, we were taken to have official photos with our friends and families. (Official photos? Is that the same as a police lineup? I wonder what it's like to have an "official" family?) It was very paparazzi like... not to mention the fifty people in the room who were shouting, "Chin down (Check). Fix the medal (Gold). Girls (Ta-tas) up. Flowers (Jennifer) here." It was overwhelming, but way cool. After photos, we were taken to a special private dinner with the leadership of SAI ("The Inquisition, what a show. The Inquisition, here we go...") and the Coronet Club. Each of us were allowed one guest. Following dinner, we were taken to the Coronet Club Show (I would follow dinner there too!) and were paraded in while strutting to Roy Orbison's "Pretty Woman" where front row seats had gifts from all the past Queens. (Freddie Mercury or Ru Paul?) The gift basket contained crown slippers, key chains, sunglasses and thongs.... just kidding about the thongs. Maybe... ("Without a thong the day will never end.")

The5thWheel: Did you go to sleep wearing your crown and medal?

Edwards: See attached photo. (Um... you need to text it to me first.)

Th5thWheel: Ms. Jennifer Edwards, thank you so much for taking time away from your hectic schedule to answer your fan's questions. We hope your reign as the new Queens of Harmony is gracious and honorable and you will represent the...

Edwards: (interrupting) Anna... Anna? I just clicked over from that "big waste of time" 5th Wheel interview. I need you to stop and get me some Baked Lays after you're done with my other errands.

The5thWheel: Ms Edwards? You're still on the phone with The 5th Wheel.

Edwards: (click)

End of interview