LAME Quartet Names

The 5th Wheel understands the struggles and difficulties when it comes to giving your brand new quartet a name. The name isn't just a way of recognizing your group (ugly), but it represents the personality of the quartet (boring). The other hard part is finding a name that all four of the members like and are willing to accept.

With that in mind, HOW IN THE WORLD did these quartet names EVER come into being? Now, before you all gripe and complain, "HEY MAN, that's my favorite quartet you're baggin' on! I'm gonna come over there and shove that '5th Wheel' up your @$$!", just chiiiiillll and look at it from our perspective.

Imagine you are sitting down with the other three members of your quartet. You decide to make this new singing adventure 'official' and need to create a name. Tell me, if these names that I'm about to mention were on your list, would you REALLY pick them?

139th St Quartet (Hey, see that road sign? Let's name our quartet after an obscure street name. "Sepulveda BLVD?" No, you idiot, the good one.)

Potential Favorites (The irony; This quartet always finished either in last place or close to it in their International Competitions. Apparently, the "potential" was NEVER there.)

State Line Grocery (How do four grown men decide that having the word "Grocery" in your name would be considered a great way to be identified? What is a state line grocery and what does it have to do with singing?

Michigan Jake ("I got an idea! Let's name our quartet after a cartoon frog!" Who in their right mind would ever name their quartet after a cartoon or comic boo... um.... never mind. It's a good name.)

San Francisco Storm Door and Whale Oil Company (Not to be confused with San Francisco Back Door Lubricating Company. We never thought a group with 13 syllables and "whale oil" in the name would be the most popular choice on the list. It may sound crazy, but this quartet's popularity will live on with much respect through all the FWD quartet champions from the past, present and future. How? Become a FWD champion and find out.)

Quackenbush Quartet (One of the worst names EVER in quartet history! Even if it is Lida Rose's last name, it still sucks. BTW, the Lead of that quartet is currently the "boss" of our Society, Executive Director Ed Watson! ["Uh oh!"- Carl Lewis] We may need to re-think Watson's role in the Society. If he agrees to a name like THAT, then our Society could be in for some REAL trouble!)

FRED ("What the heck does FRED stand for?" From what I was told it means "Four Really Enormous D___." Hint: The last word rhymes with "pricks.")

It's amazing what quality singing and entertainment can do to make your name go from stupid to cool. Two of these quartets are International Champions and two others have top five International medals. These quartets have made crummy names "legendary" in our Society. The 5th Wheel tips its hat to your success and vision.

What still blows our mind is that someone suggested these names and three other guys responded, "YES! That's the BEST name!" The 5th Wheel respects everyone's opinions.

Check out the poll in the right column and VOTE which name is the lamest!

Extra Note: A devoted fan of The 5th Wheel thought they would throw some other quartet names into the fire:

As FRED has noticed, most champs have silly names:

• Revival sounds like they should be singing in a different genre. (Amen brother!)
• Nightlife sounds like a naughty lingerie store. (Hmm... Sasine in a teddy... AAAAAAAHHH!!)
• Gotcha! has freakin' punctuation in their name. (Jeepers!!!!)
• What about The Bluegrass Student Union or The Gas House Gang? (Lame, huh? One name refers to a country band hangout spot in college and the other a group that loiters around an outhouse. Nasty!)

Photos courtesy of Dan Proctor and photographed by Lorin May.