LAME Quartet Names

The 5th Wheel understands the struggles and difficulties when it comes to giving your brand new quartet a name. The name isn't just a way of recognizing your group (ugly), but it represents the personality of the quartet (boring). The other hard part is finding a name that all four of the members like and are willing to accept.

With that in mind, HOW IN THE WORLD did these quartet names EVER come into being? Now, before you all gripe and complain, "HEY MAN, that's my favorite quartet you're baggin' on! I'm gonna come over there and shove that '5th Wheel' up your @$$!", just chiiiiillll and look at it from our perspective.

Imagine you are sitting down with the other three members of your quartet. You decide to make this new singing adventure 'official' and need to create a name. Tell me, if these names that I'm about to mention were on your list, would you REALLY pick them?

139th St Quartet (Hey, see that road sign? Let's name our quartet after an obscure street name. "Sepulveda BLVD?" No, you idiot, the good one.)

Potential Favorites (The irony; This quartet always finished either in last place or close to it in their International Competitions. Apparently, the "potential" was NEVER there.)

State Line Grocery (How do four grown men decide that having the word "Grocery" in your name would be considered a great way to be identified? What is a state line grocery and what does it have to do with singing?

Michigan Jake ("I got an idea! Let's name our quartet after a cartoon frog!" Who in their right mind would ever name their quartet after a cartoon or comic boo... um.... never mind. It's a good name.)

San Francisco Storm Door and Whale Oil Company (Not to be confused with San Francisco Back Door Lubricating Company. We never thought a group with 13 syllables and "whale oil" in the name would be the most popular choice on the list. It may sound crazy, but this quartet's popularity will live on with much respect through all the FWD quartet champions from the past, present and future. How? Become a FWD champion and find out.)

Quackenbush Quartet (One of the worst names EVER in quartet history! Even if it is Lida Rose's last name, it still sucks. BTW, the Lead of that quartet is currently the "boss" of our Society, Executive Director Ed Watson! ["Uh oh!"- Carl Lewis] We may need to re-think Watson's role in the Society. If he agrees to a name like THAT, then our Society could be in for some REAL trouble!)

FRED ("What the heck does FRED stand for?" From what I was told it means "Four Really Enormous D___." Hint: The last word rhymes with "pricks.")

It's amazing what quality singing and entertainment can do to make your name go from stupid to cool. Two of these quartets are International Champions and two others have top five International medals. These quartets have made crummy names "legendary" in our Society. The 5th Wheel tips its hat to your success and vision.

What still blows our mind is that someone suggested these names and three other guys responded, "YES! That's the BEST name!" The 5th Wheel respects everyone's opinions.

Check out the poll in the right column and VOTE which name is the lamest!

Extra Note: A devoted fan of The 5th Wheel thought they would throw some other quartet names into the fire:

As FRED has noticed, most champs have silly names:

• Revival sounds like they should be singing in a different genre. (Amen brother!)
• Nightlife sounds like a naughty lingerie store. (Hmm... Sasine in a teddy... AAAAAAAHHH!!)
• Gotcha! has freakin' punctuation in their name. (Jeepers!!!!)
• What about The Bluegrass Student Union or The Gas House Gang? (Lame, huh? One name refers to a country band hangout spot in college and the other a group that loiters around an outhouse. Nasty!)

Photos courtesy of Dan Proctor and photographed by Lorin May.

POLLS CLOSED: Most Memorable Tag

Here are the results from the latest poll on "Most Memorable Tag Sung On The International Stage." Eighty-nine visitors voted. (However, the absentee votes have not yet been calculated. The 5th Wheel is based in Florida, what do you expect?)

1. 53% 2000 Platinum- Tony DeRosa's confident wink at Joe Connelly on Auld Lang Syne. (Tony, you are the man! You have been voted "Most Popular" on The 5th Wheel! Now that you're the BMOC, maybe you can get the captain of The 5th Wheel cheerleading squad to go out with you?)

2. 19% 1998 FRED- The "tagless" song in HOTlanta! (Shoot! The 5th Wheel had money riding on this pick. We thought for sure a quartet that loses all musical ability to sing just one tag would have creamed the competition. Sorry guys. You can now return to taking a bath with your Anaheim gold medals around your necks.)

3. 14% 2006 O.C Times- Devine's "Never say die" attempt on Save/Last Dance Tag. (Unfortunately for Sean there was no devine intervention to help him that day. Sean, buddy, pal, I'm sorry you had to be included on this list. However, rest assured that The 5th Wheel is your biggest fan and even though we pointed out a flaw in your performance, you are being associated in this poll with quartet champions, which you are my friend.)

4. 12% 1985 The New Tradition- Danny Jordan's long post as Chico Marx. (The 5th Wheel wants to point out that before Tony DeRosa and Tim Waurick came along, gold medalist Dan Jordan was first to have the reputation for being the long tag poster. Way to go "Leather-Lungs" Jordan!)

Photos courtesy of Dan Proctor and photographed by Lorin May. Dan Jordan picture from www.theperfectgentlemen.us

BREAKING NEWS: FRED Tenor Running For President

[UPDATE ALERT] See bottom of article.

Move over McCain and Obama! The 5th Wheel has just received word that a very famous barbershopper, Jared Carlson, Tenor of the 1999 International Champions FRED, has put his name on the 2008 Presidential ballot. The mature man whose style and elegance has graced the theaters across this great country prefers to be known as... "Pookie." You heard that right... Pookie. cough!

Pookie's campaign slogan, "Pookie for You-kie" is created with the idea in mind that Pookie is looking out for you! Pookie knows you need something new... YOU NEED CHANGE! Something the "other" candidates seem be ignoring and never mention in their stump speeches, banners and commericals. Heck, the DOW has dropped almost 1000 pts in two weeks! That's the kind of change Pookie brings to the American people.

This morning the first advertisement from the Pookie campaign was unveiled. Click "Pookie" for President to see his new advertisement.

Pookie has been a prominent figure within the barbershop world, donating much of his time and money to support the non-profit organization, the Barbershop Harmony Society. A man of great respect and stature, Pookie will be a strong representative for these United States of America.

The 5th Wheel immediately dispatched all its reporters to Atlanta, GA to get as much information on the candidate as possible. The 5th Wheel did check his public records and found several reports of battery. One report, back in 1997 involved abuse on a woman who was exiting her plane in the Atlanta Terminal. According to the report, Pookie and three other men described to be lanky, fat and ugly, viciously attacked this woman from out of nowhere. Eye witnesses couldn't tell if the woman was laughing or crying. No charges were filed.

The other counts on his record have to do with destruction of property, more specifically, stools. From what we've learned from friends of... Pookie, he wasn't a very good student and was constantly told to sit on a stool in the corner of the classroom with a pointy shaped hat on his head. Those close to him know that "The Pookster" has been going through therapy to help control his anger management. A restraining order has been put on Pookie. He is not allowed to come within 20 yards of a stool.

The 5th Wheel is hoping to get a response from the new candidate before we make any decision whether or not to endorse his campaign. In the meantime, check out our poll on the right hand column and vote.

Photo courtesy of Dan Proctor and photgraped by Lorin May

[UPDATE] An anonymous source came out to share with the readers of The 5th Wheel some possible scandalous information on the new candidate.

"I went to high school with Pookie... he was in trouble A LOT and responsible for one teacher's mental breakdown. It is believed that she is still wandering around in the parking lot, looking for her car!!!"

The 5th Wheel will stay on top of this story.