New YouBarbershop.com Trailer

Check us out at www.youbarbershop.com.

YouBarbershop is Officially OPEN!

Hey folks, The 5th Wheel is proud to announce that our mother ship, YouBarbershop has officially opened its doors to the public. We feel a lot like Walt Disney on the first day of Disneyland's grand opening. The cement's still wet, the rides are breaking down and everyone is nervous with anticipation.

We do have lofty goals and expectations of YouBarbershop and it's future. We feel like the parents that Robin Williams once described: "You look at your kids and dream one day they might be standing at the podium, taking the oath as President of the United States. You then have that other vision where your kids are asking a man, 'You want fries with that?"

That's a bit how we feel. We want this baby to work and become something special. Just realize that in the first few weeks we're still walking with assistance. However, we'll be bringing in consistent stories and content throughout the week, so keep the faith and hopefully you can help support our endeavor. This site is for the fan in mind because it's designed by fans. If you have any comments to share, please email us at youbarbershop@yahoo.com.

In the meantime, go to www.youbarbershop.com and check us out!

OC Times in SPIN Magazine

Check out this article from SPIN Magazine on OC Times and their effect on the culture of barbershop quartet singing.

Look Inside >> February 2009

YouBarbershop: Welcome Podcast

YouBarbershop.com will be launching in just a couple days! We're very excited, working feverishly to get it ready for its grand opening. Yikes! In the meantime, feel free to download the first "official" Podcast from YouBarbershop, or what we like to call -- YouCast.

The first YouCast is a meet and greet describing the features available to you on YouBarbershop.

To download the YouCast, Click here.

Barbershoppers Named As BALCO Clients

The 5th Wheel confirmed a report has been released by the USADA (United States Anti-Doping Agency) naming members of the Barbershop Harmony Society who have received muscle enhancing drugs from BALCO (Bay Area Lab Co-Operative).

In 2006, the USADA began investigating International gold medalist Tim Waurick after receiving an annonymous phone call from another member of the Society accusing Waurick of using the steroid tetrahydrogestrinone, a.k.a "The Clear", an anabolic steroid that aids in the growth of muscle tissue. The accuser whose identity was not released, however his voice sounds a lot like Sylvester Stallone, protested that in the 2006 International Competition Waurick's use of The Clear gave his quartet Vocal Spectrum an added benefit in beating second place finalist MaxQ. The 5th Wheel contacted Waurick who neither confirmed nor denied the use of The Clear. However, he did point out that he recently posted a note for one minute and five seconds.

Waurick is not the only member of the B.H.S. to be named in the report. Other barbershoppers include Tony DeRosa (Member of Keepsake, Platinum and MaxQ), Joe Hunter (Four Under Par and Reveille) and Todd Kidder (Kidder & Sons Inc, Freestyle and VocalEase). The 5th Wheel has tried to contact the Society Headquarters for an interview, however they haven't returned our phone calls.

The 5th Wheel has noticed over the past decade that more and more quartets find it necessary to post long tags in order to win contests. Whether it's due to drug enhancements or that judges reward quartets for posting long notes remains to be seen.

Other famous atheletes who have been named as clients to BALCO include Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, Gary Sheffield, Marion Jones and C.J. Hunter.

Star Trek: The Lost Episode "Kitchen Trek"

The 5th Wheel realizes that Star Trek has nothing to do with barbershop, (Unless you're Hi-Fidelity). However, it will offer a glimpse of creativity and style that is yet to come when the new 5th Wheel site launches in a few weeks. It won't have a Star Trek theme (We promise). This is just to give you an idea of the humor and witty storytelling that lies ahead (Oh God... open mouth, insert gun barrel). The 5th Wheel will contain video news reports as well as stories that have an odd humorous twist that will even make George Carlin smile (Making a corpse smile is indeed, impressive).

Backstory: In 2001 I bought my first digital camcorder. I was a crew member for a television show and on the side, was doing some part time apprentice work with the post production team. I wanted to test out the camera so I created this short movie entitled Kitchen Trek. Is it stupid? (No) Yes. Will you still laugh? Yes. (Probably AT me.) But that's OK.

I didn't get to finish the video because my camera was stolen. About six months ago I found the video on my computer and decided to finish it. I threw in a couple more speaking lines, added some music and credits and wrapped it up into a fine piece of filmmaking (Can you say, "Oscar?"). I was roommates with James Sabina (He always had to borrow my toilet paper.) at the time, so forgive his dirty toilet. Also, most of you may not know this but dartboards and guitars are still popular in the 23rd Century.

So, sit back, turn up the volume, grab some popcorn and a coke, and BEHOLD... in all its GLORY!

KITCHEN TREK

I'm Going To Disneyland!

The list of choruses who will be competing in Anaheim was released today on the Harmonet by Todd Wilson. Here they are in no particular order (Best to worst). Listed next to each chapter is their host for the convention.

District Qualifiers:

Ambassadors of Harmony- CSD (Mickey Mouse)

Vocal Majority- SWD (Davy Crockett)

Great Northern Union- LOL (Pinnoccio)

Voices In Harmony- FWD (The gay parade dancer)

The Northern Lights- ONT (Pluto)

Sound of the Rockies- RMD (Grumpy)

New Tradition- ILL (Buzz Lightyear)

The Alliance Chorus- JAD (Mr. Incredible)

Atlanta Vocal Project- DIX (Snow White)

Alexandria Harmonizers- MAD (Captain Nemo)

The Kentucky Vocal Union- CAR (Abraham Lincoln-Mechanical Version)

Salem Senate-Aires- EVG (Bambi)

Heralds of Harmony- SUN (Aladdin)

Narragansett Bay Chorus- NED (Pocahontas)

Mountaintown Singers- PIO (Ride announcer on Big Thunder Mountain)

The Vocal Agenda- SLD (Chesire Cat)

Wild Cards:

Heart of Texas- SWD (Goofy)

Southern Gateway Chorus- JAD (Captain Jack Sparrow)

Spirit of Phoenix- FWD (Haunted Mansion's Ghost Host)

Midwest Vocal Express- LOL (Green Army Men)

Sound of Illinois- ILL (Dumbo)

Saltaires- RMD (Cinderella)

Music City Chorus- DIX (Dapper Dans)

MegaCity Chorus- ONT (Country Bear Jamboree Band)

Northwest Sound- EVG (Mr. Toad)

Minneapolis Commodores- LOL (Mark Twain's Captain)

Affiliates:

Great Western Chorus- BABS (Burt, The Chimney Sweep)

Zero8- SNOBS (Love Bug)

Vocal FX- NZABS (Walt Disney in crygenic freezing)

We Haven't Forgotten You

The 5th Wheel has been a little busy (playing Xbox) lately which has caused us to lapse in our reporting. There is a reason for this (procrastination). Due to the popularity of the site, The 5th Wheel has decided to relocate from our one room office into a 10,000 sq ft facility. While the economy may be taking a dump, our business is flourishing. We have gone from only a handful of workers to employing well over 1000+ "5th Wheelers" so that we can offer you more news and information on the barbershop community.

The 5th Wheel will no longer contain just a daily blog and a poll. The new website will cover all facets of barbershopping, including our affiliates, Sweet Adelines and Harmony Inc. There will be more audio made available to visitors as well as video reports throughout the week. Our reporters will also cover the International Conventions in a way nobody has ever done. It will be a truly interactive experience.

Other additions to the site will be several forums to discuss specific topics, chat rooms with barbershoppers around the world, live interview sessions with our "celebrity" barbershoppers and a site containing useful vocal and presentation material from the best minds in our Society.

There's a whole lot more, but I don't want to give away everything. Just know that the witty and clever humor of The 5th Wheel will still be prevelant in our stories and news coverage.

The new site should be up in a few weeks. In the meantime, keep coming back to the blog for we will be constantly adding articles until the big switch happens. Once again, thank you to all who have come to visit and made us feel kind of special (retarded).

An INTIMATE Conversation: Jenn Edwards of Moxie Ladies

The 5th Wheel was fortunate to score the first "exclusive" interview with a member of the new 2009 SAI Queens of Harmony, Moxie Ladies. Through the magical use of cellphone technology, The 5th Wheel chatted with the Lead of Moxie Ladies, Jenn Edwards.

_________________________________

The5thWheel: Hello Jenn, thank you for taking time to speak with us today. I'm sure Hawaii in no way compares to the romantic state of Ohio?

Edwards: I'm sorry, this is Anna. I'm the new personal assistant to Ms. Edwards. I'm just, oh... excuse me, one second. (In the background: "Ms. Edwards? It's time for your interview. [pause] Who? No, it's not Vanity Fair, it's The 5th Wheel. [pause] What Ma'am? Yes, I know it's a crappy blog, but since you agreed to this interview before you won, the right thing to do is keep your promise and do the interview. [pause] Yes, I'll bring the phone to you in your bedroom, then I'll leave to pickup your dry cleaning and Starbucks.") Mr. 5th Wheel? Here's Ms. Edwards.

The5thWheel: Hi Jenn... uh... I mean Ms Edwards. Congratulations on your big win last week in Hawaii. It must be an incredible time for you right now?

Edwards: That's Ms. JENNIFER Edwards.

The5thWheel: Oops, I'm sorry ma'am. Ms. Jennifer Edwards, what was it like being onstage before they announced your name?
Edwards: It was a little different than years past (You mean when you didn't win?) as I didn't have as much time to work myself into a frenzy. I received the MENC award and went straight to the quartet lineup. (Oh, I know what you mean. Life is so difficult when you must receive multiple awards on one night. cough! DIVA!) Once I was on the risers, I was intensely aware that I didn't get a restroom break. ("Uh-oh!" -Carl Lewis) Thank goodness for Depends.

The5thWheel: Were you confident after your finals set that you would win?

Edwards: Not at all. We were competing with some fantastic quartets. (Wow, you are so politically correct. For once, I'd like to see someone step up and say with confidence, "HAHA! WE WON! Can't touch this! Wanna hold my gold medal?- I DON'T THINK SO! PYSCH!") I didn't know where the chips (Ponch or Jon?) would fall. (After the 80's.) Speaking of chips...I could really go for some cheddar Baked Lays. (Awwww yeeeeaaaahhh...)

The5thWheel: Well, please wait until our interview is over before you call Anna for those chips. How did it feel when they put the crown on your head?

Edwards: Well, after the blood letting when they dug bobbie pins into my scalp, it was the best ever! (In case you didn't know, SAI stands for "Spanish American Inquisition.") Actually, I didn't feel the pain, just the amazement and awe that we had actually done it! My quartet sisters (Moxie Ladies or the Rainbow Room?) and I had met our goal the way we had met all of our previous ones! (I know, through bribes and deceit. How do you think Vocal Spectrum beat MaxQ in 2006?)

The5thWheel: What was the rest of the evening like? Where did you go? What were your responsibilities?

Edwards: From the stage, we were taken to have official photos with our friends and families. (Official photos? Is that the same as a police lineup? I wonder what it's like to have an "official" family?) It was very paparazzi like... not to mention the fifty people in the room who were shouting, "Chin down (Check). Fix the medal (Gold). Girls (Ta-tas) up. Flowers (Jennifer) here." It was overwhelming, but way cool. After photos, we were taken to a special private dinner with the leadership of SAI ("The Inquisition, what a show. The Inquisition, here we go...") and the Coronet Club. Each of us were allowed one guest. Following dinner, we were taken to the Coronet Club Show (I would follow dinner there too!) and were paraded in while strutting to Roy Orbison's "Pretty Woman" where front row seats had gifts from all the past Queens. (Freddie Mercury or Ru Paul?) The gift basket contained crown slippers, key chains, sunglasses and thongs.... just kidding about the thongs. Maybe... ("Without a thong the day will never end.")

The5thWheel: Did you go to sleep wearing your crown and medal?

Edwards: See attached photo. (Um... you need to text it to me first.)

Th5thWheel: Ms. Jennifer Edwards, thank you so much for taking time away from your hectic schedule to answer your fan's questions. We hope your reign as the new Queens of Harmony is gracious and honorable and you will represent the...

Edwards: (interrupting) Anna... Anna? I just clicked over from that "big waste of time" 5th Wheel interview. I need you to stop and get me some Baked Lays after you're done with my other errands.

The5thWheel: Ms Edwards? You're still on the phone with The 5th Wheel.

Edwards: (click)

End of interview

Polls Closed: Who's The Lamest?

The 5th Wheel has a winner in the "Lamest Quartet Name" poll.

4th Michigan Jake (This is the first time M.J. ever received a 4th place finish.)

4th State Line Grocery (Is anybody surprised they would medal? Didn't think so.)

2nd San Francisco Storm Door & Whale Oil Company (You guys have anymore pins to promote the quartet? I need one for my baritone.)

2nd Quackenbush Quartet (FYI, I forgot to mention that two of the members are past Int'l Champion Baritones. The first was Bobby Gray Jr. from The New Tradition and was later replaced with eventual champion Mike Lawton of Revival. Oh, and the Tenor was Raymond Davis, medalist Tenor of Special Feature. Look at all the talent Ed Watson had supporting him, yet he still couldn't even win the District. Is it bad to make fun of our CEO? We may be in trouble.)

The Lamest Champions are...

POTENTIAL FAVORITES (Wow, they had the potential in them afterall to be chosen as our favorite lamest quartet name ever! I've already contacted the Society Headquarters and your picture will be hung on the wall in the lobby with the other great champions in our Society's history. Isn't it ironic that I don't have a picture of these guys?)

Upcoming: Moxie Ladies Interview

We will be posting an interview with the new 2009 SAI Champions Moxie Ladies hopefully later tonight. Come back later!

Polls Closed: Check out the results!

The 5th Wheel has the results from its most popular poll(s) yet. We asked your opinion about several different hot topics in barbershop and appreciate your participation. Check out how you voted below.

Three years ago the Society created a new logo. What is your opinion of the logo?

I like it. It's a great representation of our Society to the world. (13%) 19

It's fine. Nothing great, but not bad either. (59%) 81

I hate the logo. Wish we had another choice. (26%) 36

# of votes= 136

This does seem to be the consensus for most barbershoppers that we've talked with. We accept the Society needed to make some changes for the future, however we wish there could have been a better choice.

______________________________

Over the past decade our competitions have allowed for more creativity with the arrangements, expanding the barbershop umbrella. Is this good for the art form?

I enjoy the creative arranging, but some are just a little too much and need to be penalized or discouraged to perform in competition. (41%) 55

Yes it is! It broadens the choice of music and makes the contest more entertaining. It only helps the evolution of barbershop. (48%) 65

These charts are not appropriate for competitions. This is bad for the art form and will eventually destroy it. (9%) 13

# of votes= 133

You could almost lump answers one and two into the same opinion. Overall, barbershoppers like the creative arrangements and the different songs being sung on contest. We just want to make sure that if a leak forms in the dam wall that it will gain full attention and not go unnoticed.

______________________________

Why has our membership declined over the past twenty years? (Multiple answers allowed)

Too much emphasis on competition (16%) 21

Lack of exposure (47%) 60

The world of music/media/communication has changed and barbershop quartet singing, an old art form, is no longer popular. (44%) 57

We've lost that feeling of "fraternity" in our chapters. (29%) 37

# of votes= 127

There's no question that exposure of our music is crucial. The Society realizes this is an issue, however answer three is their real struggle. It's hard to expose the public or the music industry to barbershop singing when nobody wants to hear it. The only way the music industry would care about the art form is if they could make money from it. Having the headquarters in Nashville is a great start! Kudos BHS!

______________________________

In order for our Society to survive we must rely on our future members, young men. What can we do to help?

Ask the younger men what attracts them to barbershop singing, listen to what they say and implement their ideas. (84%) 106

This is a man's job. Stay on course and it will eventually turn itself around. It has worked before, it will work again. (15%) 19

# of votes= 125

This was certainly a one sided vote, huh? Now, The 5th Wheel wasn't trying to say, "Keep out the old guard and let the 21 year olds run the Society." If you believed that, then you're a doofus! (Russ) Could you imagine Westminster running the Society? Hardly any work would get done between Xbox breaks and 5pm keggers. The point being made by The 5th Wheel and the 106 others who voted was to say, "Hey, talk to these kids and see what it is about barbershop "today" that has turned them on to it." Discover those elements and use them to our advantage to market the Society.

______________________________

What direction is the Barbershop Harmony Society headed?

Right Direction (76%) 91

Wrong Direction (23%) 28

# of votes= 119

With all the issues and disagreements we face between our members, the overall agreement is that we are headed in the right direction for our future. Way to go guys! Now grab three other singers, one of them a youngin' and go off in a corner and bust a Burt Szabo tag! Oh yeah, please do it in privacy so that the public won't hear you.

Melodeers win BIG in Hawaii!

The Melodeers once again claim their rank as champion! Check out the final results below. We also included your top five poll to compare.

OFFICIAL RESULTS
1. Melodeers 3023
2. North Metro 2837
3. Scottsdale 2815
4. Skyline 2788
5. Ronninge Show 2769
6. Song of Atlanta 2663
7. San Diego 2657
8. Spirit of the Gulf 2646
9. Pride of Portland 2606
10. Buffalo Gateway 2543

THE 5TH WHEEL POLL RESULTS
1. Melodeers
2. Scottsdale
3. North Metro
4. Ronninge Show-Tie
4. Spirit of the Gulf -Tie

Moxie Ladies- 2009 Queens of Harmony

1. Moxie Ladies 2754
2. Jackpot! 2698
3. Razzcals 2695
4. Maxx Factor 2662
5. Capri 2631

LAME Quartet Names

The 5th Wheel understands the struggles and difficulties when it comes to giving your brand new quartet a name. The name isn't just a way of recognizing your group (ugly), but it represents the personality of the quartet (boring). The other hard part is finding a name that all four of the members like and are willing to accept.

With that in mind, HOW IN THE WORLD did these quartet names EVER come into being? Now, before you all gripe and complain, "HEY MAN, that's my favorite quartet you're baggin' on! I'm gonna come over there and shove that '5th Wheel' up your @$$!", just chiiiiillll and look at it from our perspective.

Imagine you are sitting down with the other three members of your quartet. You decide to make this new singing adventure 'official' and need to create a name. Tell me, if these names that I'm about to mention were on your list, would you REALLY pick them?

139th St Quartet (Hey, see that road sign? Let's name our quartet after an obscure street name. "Sepulveda BLVD?" No, you idiot, the good one.)

Potential Favorites (The irony; This quartet always finished either in last place or close to it in their International Competitions. Apparently, the "potential" was NEVER there.)

State Line Grocery (How do four grown men decide that having the word "Grocery" in your name would be considered a great way to be identified? What is a state line grocery and what does it have to do with singing?

Michigan Jake ("I got an idea! Let's name our quartet after a cartoon frog!" Who in their right mind would ever name their quartet after a cartoon or comic boo... um.... never mind. It's a good name.)

San Francisco Storm Door and Whale Oil Company (Not to be confused with San Francisco Back Door Lubricating Company. We never thought a group with 13 syllables and "whale oil" in the name would be the most popular choice on the list. It may sound crazy, but this quartet's popularity will live on with much respect through all the FWD quartet champions from the past, present and future. How? Become a FWD champion and find out.)

Quackenbush Quartet (One of the worst names EVER in quartet history! Even if it is Lida Rose's last name, it still sucks. BTW, the Lead of that quartet is currently the "boss" of our Society, Executive Director Ed Watson! ["Uh oh!"- Carl Lewis] We may need to re-think Watson's role in the Society. If he agrees to a name like THAT, then our Society could be in for some REAL trouble!)

FRED ("What the heck does FRED stand for?" From what I was told it means "Four Really Enormous D___." Hint: The last word rhymes with "pricks.")

It's amazing what quality singing and entertainment can do to make your name go from stupid to cool. Two of these quartets are International Champions and two others have top five International medals. These quartets have made crummy names "legendary" in our Society. The 5th Wheel tips its hat to your success and vision.

What still blows our mind is that someone suggested these names and three other guys responded, "YES! That's the BEST name!" The 5th Wheel respects everyone's opinions.

Check out the poll in the right column and VOTE which name is the lamest!

Extra Note: A devoted fan of The 5th Wheel thought they would throw some other quartet names into the fire:

As FRED has noticed, most champs have silly names:

• Revival sounds like they should be singing in a different genre. (Amen brother!)
• Nightlife sounds like a naughty lingerie store. (Hmm... Sasine in a teddy... AAAAAAAHHH!!)
• Gotcha! has freakin' punctuation in their name. (Jeepers!!!!)
• What about The Bluegrass Student Union or The Gas House Gang? (Lame, huh? One name refers to a country band hangout spot in college and the other a group that loiters around an outhouse. Nasty!)

Photos courtesy of Dan Proctor and photographed by Lorin May.

TOP TEN (Eleven) Quartet PRE-Ranking

The polls are closed and The 5th Wheel has the results from our Sweet Adeline Int'l quartet ranking poll. There were 31 pollsters who participated in the ranking. The quartets were scored based on the placement by the pollsters. The numbers in parentheses represents the number of first place votes.

2008 SAI Int'l Quartet Pre-Ranking:

1. Moxie Ladies 114 (11)

2. Razzcals 95 (9)

3. Jackpot! 80 (3)

4. Remix 61 (1)

5. Capri 55 (3)

6. Zing! 40 (2)

7. Mojo 33 (1)

8. Shimmer! 12(1)

9. Cabaret 12

10. Jukebox 5

11. VOX 5

According to the pollsters, Moxie Ladies looks like the frontrunner in this competition. You can bet there are a bunch of nervous competitors right now preparing for the competition today. Make sure to check them out on the webcast and keep coming back to The 5th Wheel for up to date information.

Rank Your 2008 Top Five SAI Quartets

The 5th Wheel would like to get your opinion on the top five quartets competing at the Sweet Adeline International Convention in Honolulu, Hawaii. Please rank your favorite quartets in the right hand column. Throughout the week, we will update your choices and score them similar to college football rankings to see how accurate your opinions match the judges.

POLLS CLOSED: Do You Believe...

The 5th Wheel concluded its poll regarding Cindy Hansen's ghost story. While FOX News and CNN are busy covering boring topics such as presidential races, The 5th Wheel wants to know whether you believe in Cindy Hansen's ghost story. Here are the results from this scientific study:

Do You Believe...

...Brian is a sissy! 63% (23) Sorry Brian, but the people have spoken. I guess all those years singing I'm Afraid of the Beautiful Girls has finally caught up with you.

...for every drop of rain that falls a flower grows. 38% (14) If you chose this answer you are probably a treehugger, right? Nothing against them, I'm just sayin...

...Cindy's Story. 27% (10) I hope this doesn't hurt Cindy's credibility? She's still an awesome coach, and trust me, I was there. It's a spooky condo.

...in ghosts. 25% (9) The Ghost Hunters will be so proud. Too bad their 7 hour live Halloween marathon sucked!

SWEET ADELINES Get Lei'd In Hawaii

This week, the Sweet Adeline International Convention will be held in Hawaii. The convention will take place November 4-8 in Honolulu, Oahu.

The quartet semi-finals is on Wednesday, Nov 5th at 4:45pm (EST). On Thursday, the chorus semi-finals will take place at 4:45pm (EST).

Friday, Nov. 7th will be a busy day for convention attendees. The quartet finals start at 6:00pm (EST) followed by the Coronet Club at 2:00am (EST). The 5th Wheel hasn't confirmed whether the Coronet Club will be televised on the webcast. (If anybody on the east coast actually stays up til 2am to view it, then you are definitely a die-hard!)

The final day of the convention is the chorus finals where the top ten choruses will perform their packages. This is one of the greatest competition events in barbershopping competitions.

Keep coming back to The 5th Wheel throughout the week. We will have constant coverage on the convention, plus interviews from competitors in Hawaii.

An INTIMATE Conversation with Heather Mears of Four Bettys

"ALL HAIL, FOUR BETTYS!" The 5th Wheel had the unique pleasure to sit down and chat with Heather Mears, baritone of the 2008 Queens of Harmony Four Bettys. With only a few days left until the crown must be passed to the new champions, Mear's publicist allowed a rare interview with the outgoing queen.

_____________________

The5thWheel: I bow on one knee in your presence, oh great Queen of Harmony. What exactly is the job description for being a "Queen of Harmony?" Raise membership dues? Manipulate scores? Banish staff members? Attend extravagant parties where men have to wear white wigs and powder their faces?

QueenMears: I'm sorry, can you bow a little lower? I can't quite see the top of your head (Well, why don't you just get off your throne and try a little harder? The power of a queen... sigh!) Anyway, description ey? Well, our main job is to keep our hair perfect for the crown. Other than that, we sit around eating bonbons all day and have O.C. Times wait on us hand and foot. (The loser of the coin toss gets the foot right?)

The5thWheel: Have you wielded your powers of a queen with dignity and grace- all for the common good, or did you corrupt the throne with money, power and scandal?

QueenMears: Unfortunately, Joan and mom (Lynda) aren't nearly evil enough ("The Diet Coke of evil... perhaps?" -Dr. Evil) for corruption, so they dragged Cori and I into extending our powers for worldly good such as singing until all hours of the morning with any and all Sweet Adelines in the near vicinity!

The5thWheel: How did you come up with the name Four Bettys?

QueenMears: Cori's brilliant brain. Don't ask, it's scary. (Must... ask... question... Cory has a brain? Ooo, that is scary. "Run for the hills!")

The5thWheel: For those who are 50 years and older, what's a Betty?

QueenMears: A Betty is a best girlfriend ("Aahh.. BFF!"), but our favorite definition is a female in a male dominated sport. Watch out barbershoppers, here we come! (Barbershop is male dominated? Have you looked at the males in barbershop lately? You could have come up with a better example like football or hunting, for that matter.)

The5thWheel: The four Bettys that come to my mind are Betty Davis (Silver screen diva), Betty Rubble (Smokin' hot cartoon wife), Betty Ford (Trivia: Her parents named her AFTER the rehab clinic. Most people think it was the other way around.) and Ned Beatty (Otis from Superman and pig-raped by a hill-billy in Deliverance). Which of these four Bettys most resembles your quartet members?

QueenMears: Well, if you spelled Bette Davis' name right, I suppose we would be her. (Look, You don't have to get snarky with me lady I... Oops.. I mean, "Oh powerful queen that you are!") I mean, who doesn't want to be a diva...(Greg Lyne) never mind the fact that we get to wear crowns to show our superior Diva skills.

The5thWheel: I'm still on my knee bowing to you. It would be easier if I could finish this interview looking at you face to face. May I stand up now?

QueenMears: Hmmm...no, I think I like you right there. (D'oh!) Hope you've been doing your squats. (Ha. ha. ha. I guess you have to go through a little pain to get the big story. Of course, if I had just waited an extra week she would no longer have these powers. DANG IT!)

The5thWheel: Your last name is Mears. Being from Chicago, how many times in your life have you had people imitate the famous 1990's Saturday Night Live skit and say, "DA-Mearz!"? I'm the first, right?

QueenMears: If you make us look good...of COURSE you're the first! (I knew it! I'm soooo original. "Dit-ka. Dit-ka.") However, my favorite is what they used to call ma when she was a kid...Big Ears Mears. (At least she wasn't called Mc'Geek.")

The5thWheel: Four Bettys just released a brand new CD. In 25 words or less, try to convince our readers why we should even consider buying your new recording.

QueenMears: It's good. Buy it. (OMG, I'M SO THERE!! OPEN. OPEN. OPEN. You are a good salesman.)

The5thWheel: OH! I just remembered another Betty... Betty Page! Who in your quartet would be her, and if so, when is the swimsuit calendar going to be released?

Queen Mears: Seriously, learn how to spell these women's names! This one is BETTIE Page...and I definitely think that would be mom. Isn't it always the old ones who do the craziest things? (Ya know what, I think it helps my manhood that I DON'T know how to spell these ladies names, OK? If you've seen one Betty... then you've seen one.)

The5thWheel: What's the schedule looking like for Four Bettys in the coming year?

QueenMears: Besides wallowing (Like Ned BEATTY? "Sooowee") in the fact that we are no longer current champs (tear!), we will be doing an assortment of educational schools, shows, and mimosa-laden rehearsals (hey, when you're having a rough rehearsal, nothing like a little mimosa to ease the ear pain!) (Sweet Adelines drink alcohol? Who would've thunk?)

The5thWheel: Next week you'll be finishing up your reign as Queens of Harmony. Do you feel that the competing quartets next week will be responsible enough to take control of the "Harmony Empire", or should Four Bettys stay on as Queens for another year? (You still have a week left to change the laws!)

QueenMears: If we had our way, we'd rule the empire FOREVER! But I must say, it does get tiring mixing with all our minions. (Well, I think the timing is good for you, with all the hand and foot rubbing we minions have had to do this past year, a revolution was in your near future.) It may be time for a break...but don't even THINK about calling us "Old Queens". I think only Queen Elizabeth deserves that title! (How about "Old Hags?")

The5thWheel: Well, thank you for your hospitality in doing this interview with one of your many loyal (and forced) fans. Perhaps there may be a time when my family will gain status in the world, and I could call you friend?

QueenMears: Well, luckily for you, you at least have some kind of hardware to prove your worth...of course, I can't quite recall the quartet....Chicago? Metropolitan? Metro-divas? I'll have to think on that one. (MaxQ, thank you very much!)________________________

The 5th Wheel was fortunate to be given a sample from one of Four Bettys songs that is listed on their new CD. To purchase this recording, please visit Four Bettys website.

Thanks to Heather Mears for this in-depth interview. If The 5th Wheel could share a moment with our readers to talk about the class and dignity of this great Queen, we would.

End of interview.